What Does Anxiety Feel Like?

Hay internet!

Oh gosh, where to start with this one?

So, as I may or may not have mentioned before, I do have anxiety.

And it's bloody difficult to live with.

If you don't know, then anxiety is a mental disorder, it affects my everyday life. For example, I'm in a class of around 12 people that I'm close with, in geography we had been doing work until one day I was chosen to present to the class. All they saw was me crying. So today I'm going to explain what it really feels like, having anxiety and going through a panic attack.

Having anxiety means that I also have low self-esteem and that I can feel and be uncomfortable in pretty much any situation and talking to anyone can feel extremely awkward and uncomfortable at times.

Panic Attacks -

When you accidentally skip a step on the stairs and your stomach flips and your heart skips a couple of beats, that feeling lasts throughout a panic attack, sometimes I might not even be having a panic attack when I get this feeling. My mind shuts down, I'm attacked by negativity and negative thoughts, it feels as if everyone in the room is watching, their eyes sinking through you. I start shaking and crying into my sweaty palms. It lasts from 15-40 minutes for me (it's different for everyone,) but it feels like hours, like it's neverending. Breathing's hard during a panic attack, so I try to concentrate on breathing as much as I can, it also helps to block out my negative thoughts.

Panic attacks are almost like drowning, the sound around me becomes muffled but my mind is so loud that when people are staring at me (or I think I'm being stared at,) I expect them to be able to read my thoughts. You don't concentrate on sounds during a panic attack, but it's important to. Mostly you concentrate on your mind and being able to breathe.

Anxiety -

There are a lot of things that come along with anxiety, these are a few things that I experience:
-headaches
-ongoing worry and tensions
-numbness
-sweating
-tiredness
-being easily startled
-hot flushes
-the need to go to the bathroom frequently
-trouble falling or staying asleep
-nausea
-churning in the pit of stomach

( Source: http://www.timberlineknolls.com/mood-personality/anxiety/signs-effects/ )

Traumatic experiences, such as abuse, neglect, chaotic environments, the death of a loved one, divorce, changing jobs or schools, may trigger generalized anxiety disorder in predisposed women. Generalized anxiety disorder can also become worse during periods of stress.

In my case I'm not 100% sure of what exactly triggered my anxiety but I know it has something to do with my old school and a rumour that was being spread about me, along with the chaotic environment, and changing schools.

Anxiety also comes along with a bunch of stuff to pull you down even further, such as: Low self-esteem, depression etc. Not everyone with anxiety goes through depression, although anxiety and depression are often thought of as a pair of mental disorders. As far as I know pretty much everyone with anxiety will have low self-esteem though. But somedays it'll be worse than other days.

Not everyone has anxiety for the rest of their lives, it is treatable. People go through therapy and are sometimes given pills to help relieve the person of anxiety.

If you have any questions leave them in the comments and I will answer within 1-2 days.

~Virgo x

A Letter To The Past

"True friends stab you in the front."

Dear younger me/Virgo,

Hold on tight and please, prepare yourself.

A lot of people are about to walk all over you, you'll be in a position where you can't do anything about it, but don't fall down into darkness, pick yourself up, don't let it get worse. Don't choose to go to a certain secondary school just because your so called "friends" are going there.

You're going to hear a lot of horrid insults, but seriously just listen to the compliments, don't let them trigger your anxiety, because it's hell.

You're going to be trapped in this disgusting pit of despair, called your mind, for a long time. But even when you relapse through those emotions and thoughts, don't give in, because very slowly things get better.

You will depend on others to keep you happy at first, then alcohol and smoking tea. But even then, don't do it. Don't let your mind control you with the past. You're going to hear that you're fat, ugly, piggy, worthless etc. but don't let your mind control your meals or what you see in the mirror, because your friends actually look up to you, they seriously DO think you're beautiful and perfect.

Don't let your "best friend" call you worthless or weird as a "joke", get rid of her before it's too late because she's immature and controlling.

You will come across a lot of fakes. People in front of you will fake depression, self-harm, anxiety, fears etc. and try to be like you and others around you. Don't be scared to confront them, because even if they deny it, you can tell when people lie because we're gifted with that. xD

For a little while you'll see the world in black and white, but when he opens your eyes you'll see the world in colour, so hold onto him forever and don't look back.

We both know that we have a lying problem, so just tell the truth for goodness sake.

You won't believe me when I say that you're living like a storybook in 2016, but you are. Your life won't always be perfect but trust me, I'm working on it though, and it's going alright if you ask me.

The people that drag you down need to go asap. I know how hard you'll find it but trust me it's so much better than living with it and being scared of the past.

I wish you'd know what life is going to turn into, and I need you to be prepared more than anything, we're surviving right now, not living, we'd be living if I had prepared myself.

Remember. "True friends stab you in the front."

~From present me/Virgo x

'All The Bright Places' Book Review

Helloo internet!

Today I'm going to be a nerd and talk to you about a book.

This book is changing my life, (Changing because I haven't yet finished the book) it's called 'All The Bright Places' and it's the most beautiful book I've ever come across.

The ideas Jennifer Niven has come up with and used are amazing, there are so many life lessons within the chapters, me and my boyfriend have decided to learn from it too. We're going to go wandering in the Summer together maybe with a couple of other friends too, we're going to live.

“We are all alone, trapped in these bodies and our own minds, and whatever company we have in this life is only fleeting and superficial.”

Superficial means that something is not thorough, deep, or complete; cursory.
Fleeting means lasting for a very short time.

From personal experiences I strongly agree with this quote and I fully relate to it, sometimes it feels as if I'm stuck, or lost, unable to escape from my own mind. I know people that feel trapped in the wrong bodies. The only company I've ever had in my life hardly lasts a year, and sometimes it's completely perfunctory and effortless.

Jennifer Niven knows what you think about life even if you don't. She knows what's kept at the very back of your mind, even if you can't quite reach it, she will reach it for you.

It's a really stunning book and I 100% reccomend it. Even if you don't read that often, this will change your opinions and mindset towards certain subjects.

Have an amazing day, and I hope ya'll consider reading 'All The Bright Places'.

~ Virgo x